if…
Sometimes I do, I wonder what would you think…
If I told you its been years since I bowed my head in prayer?
If I told you instead nowadays I pray with my eyes wide open,
and that today’s lauds included astonishment at a coyote’s stride
and a vesper ache as my daughter celebrated another birthday?
What would you think if I confessed the pre-sets in my car are tuned
to easy listening stations, the kind that play Gershwin, Mathis, and Judy Garland?
If I confessed to an allergic reaction to so-called praise and worship music,
not because I don’t love Jesus, but maybe because I believe he loves me?
And what if I shot straight and admitted if I hear one more person
pine about ‘going deeper’ I may just fall down at their feet as dead?
If I shot straight that I am quite pleased with surfaces –
the skin of aspen trees, the freckles on a girl’s nose,
the warmth of coffee going down, and the scent of fresh mown grass?
Would you write me off if I admitted I’m not sure what happens after death?
If I admitted I’ve read and studied all the pertinent passages,
but I just don’t know, and sometimes the rehearsed rhetoric
when its time to say goodbye galls me?
Would you ever read my words again if you knew
I hold the love between a man and a woman to be
the holiest damn thing on this side of the shore?
And what if you knew I hold the love between friends
runs a close second, followed no doubt by
the love between a child and a dog?
Sometimes I do, I wonder what you would think…
What would you say if I told you, I’m not surprised?
Rich, I’d say that shows the breadth of our friendship.
That I like you so much more than people who promise me answers only to ride off into that cliched sunset. Marnie B.
Marnie, thanks for those words…the only sunset I want to ride off into is the real one.
I’d probably think about asking you to share a spot at a watering hole some day.
Seth, would we dip from the water’s edge with our hands or kneel and lap it like dogs?
We’d dive in and drink our way up from the bottom, maybe.
I know a Tap Room in the Carolina’s.
I’d say that this along with a number of your posts, face to face times have refreshed me so much more than folks who claim to have “all the answers.” I especially love the value placed on marriage, friendship and oh yes the relationship between a gal and her dog. Bandit sends greetings too… WOOF WOOF… wagging tail and nooding in approval.
Thanks, Lindsay…and give Bandit an extra piece of bacon, just because.
So what is the rhetoric of which you speak? I am strangely comforted by 1 Cor 15:55, even though at times I still feel the “sting.” Other than that, I’m with you all the way on the rest of these. Keep shooting straight.
Janna, that line you question is intensely personal…I too am comforted by Paul’s words, its the commentary that usually follows them of which I speak, efforts to dull the sting instead of letting it burn…its my opinion only and born out of a multitude of funerals I’ve attended and officiated.
Thanks for taking the time to comment.
This post, in particular, reminds me why I lurve you in the most appropriate-I-love-my-husband way. You, more than any other believing friend/mentor, have shown me that I don’t have to check all the ways God made me at the door of Christian belief. So many want to fit this square peg into a round hole. Yes, I believe in the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. I crave them. But the politicized bs that we’re often asked to swallow in the name of faith galls me. And makes me sometimes want to turn away. People like you point me back to reality. To His truth. And let God do the talking in my life. Stay gold.
Thank you, Gretchen, in the most appropriate of thank-you-ways…and just when I thought that politicized bs of which you speak couldn’t gain more steam, it feels as though it is, sadly…I’ll stay gold if you’ll stay Gretchen – deal?
I love this. I really do. I could have written it myself (in the sense of feeling this way), but I’m glad they are your words. Because that way I can see this through your eyes, itself a kind of communion.
Laura, that word – communion – plucks a primal chord in me…thanks for stopping by.
Oh wow…you have no idea how reading this means so much to me today; i had a situation with another believer last night exactly along these lines- I was accused of so much, and it hurt SO bad–your communion words (love that, LL) bring so much healing to me. Thank you for being vulnerable. Such grace….
Joy, yes, I’ve been there too, the accusations do hurt, sometimes SO bad…if any healing comes by way of these, I tip my hat to grace…thanks so much for taking the time to write…and in the truest sense of the phrase – ‘hang in there.’
I would say your honesty is refreshing.
Angie, and I would reply your brevity is becoming…thank you.
I’d say that you expressed the thoughts of so many more people than you may realize. Wonderful, thoughtful words. I thank-you for sharing.
Eric, you’re welcome…it takes time to comment and time is utterly precious, so thank you too.
No doubt we’ve all thought things kind of like this – very few are honest enough to name them. I don’t know if am.
I think you are really onto something when you talk about love there at the end. Those relationships are so powerful, so tender.
This little space intrigues me. I’ll be back.
Charity, your words about love being powerful and tender…all I can say is ‘amen’…I’m glad you stopped in and just as glad you’ll be back.
If… so many words / thoughts contained there
if only… ( so many more)
nice to meet you at the end of something / but not the end
Nice to meet you too…thank you for taking the time to comment…and yes, not the end.
I’d think “thank God I’m not the only one who feels like this, and maybe I can learn to feel OK with that”
Learning to feel OK with it…that’s the trick…and as you can see, there are others besides us, thank God.
Yes. I get the prayer, the music (Leonard Cohen is my current obsession) and the bit about the afterlife and rehearsed rhetoric. I also get seeing the poetry in surfaces and wondering what others will think. And I get that some of us have to say this stuff out loud. Glad you’re one of them.
Cohen is brilliant…thanks for taking the time to comment.