Lucky
Dear John,
I know and believe that gratitude is what one practices in order to create space for joy to thrive. Counting and naming the gifts is where goodness and mercy meet in our hearts and spill over into our days and nights and weeks and years. But then there is this: what do you do when the naming of the things that you are thankful for, when gifts that are plopped right down into your lap, are the very things that are lacking in the lives of others about whom you care a great deal? How do you receive gifts that are denied to others?
Signed,
Lucky
~
Dear Lucky,
Someone once told Frederick Buechner that he’d been a good steward of his pain. This was in reference to his father’s suicide, an experience that obviously altered the course of Buechner’s life. It sounds to me like you desire to be a good steward of your joy. Please hear me when I say that’s such an admirable desire, especially as it relates to those close to you, those you dearly love. I share that same desire, and wrestle with that same tension. My marriage, at least right now, is stable, and furthermore enjoyable. I have friends, however, with the polar opposite experience. My blood pressure’s a little high right now, but overall my health is good. But I have a dear friend, younger than I am, who is dying of cancer. I had a pretty decent childhood. I learn, with each passing day, how uncommon it is to be able to say that. In light of such luck, how do I shine?
Are you familiar with the song “This Little Light of Mine”? One of that childhood song’s verses begins like this: “Hide it under a bushel? No! I’m gonna let it shine.” Remember that? Don’t ever, ever hide your light, which means don’t ever hide your life and things that make up your life, one of which, if you’re practicing gratitude (which you are, keep it up!), is joy. So don’t ever, ever hide your joy. I believe you believe that, just let me repeat it, okay? The challenge for you, and me, and us is how to let it shine.
I’ll roll the dice here and say you are a writer, or at the very least you’re a person who believes that words matter. Think about your question from a writer’s stance. What you’re concerned about is communicating to your audience, that group of people who are regularly exposed to your words. If all you ever write/talk about is how lucky you are, then you’re committing the opposite but equal error as a Debbie Downer – you’re a Debbie Upper, or someone who is constantly on high beam joy. That’s blinding and inconsiderate; it indicates you have no sense of someone else being in the room, or your audience. I don’t perceive that behavior in you, but I do observe that in others, sometimes even in myself if I’m not careful. As much as I like them, life is not an Ansel Adams picture; there are always humans in the frame who must be taken into consideration. To deny that is to deny audience, and once you’ve done that its not long until no one is listening to you. Now they may tolerate you because they’re your sister or your friend or your co-worker, but who in their right mind merely wants to be tolerated?
There’ll be days when you’re on high beam joy. Shine on, unapologetically. But if you’re flesh and blood, there’ll be days when you dim your lights a little because you’re having a crappy day or you know someone else is having a crappy day. You can still shine on those days, its just a little dimmer and that’s perfectly alright, sometimes even quite inviting. There’s a big difference between dimming your joy and hiding your joy. I think you’re going to be fine. And if you should overshine, just say Wow, that was too much, wasn’t it? I’m sorry.
This dark world needs joy in spades. Don’t ever, ever hide your joy.
Sincerely,
John
So good, John.
And for me, so timely. I’ve been writing a piece about the “burden of happiness.” In an age of cynicism — and in a busted-up world — some people will be annoyed and irritated by the light of the joy-seeker. How do we shine, without blinding our neighbors?
You’ve given me much to consider.
Shine on, brother.
Wow. So needed those exact thoughts today, a day when the light is dim, and shining through the cracks of my own parched vessel. Thank you.
So, so good. It’s been said by someone somewhere that people will tune out a sermon or speech or talk filled with your successes but an audience suddenly perks up when a vulnerable admission of your humanity is inserted. I think we all want to know we aren’t alone in our difficulties. Sharing our joy can sometimes bring hope to the hopeless.
unapologetic…never hide your joy. Love this!
And just maybe the “to whom much is given, much will be required” principle comes into play here in the listening department. Maybe those of us who are blessed with health and stable marriages, etc. will bear the heavy lifting of listening to those who are lacking, even on days when we feel “less” and wish we didn’t have to be patient through all that pain that isn’t ours.
Love your words – and Michele’s above me here. This is a wrestling point for me, too, John. I’ve practiced gratitude for decades and am deeply grateful for the gifts that have been mine to enjoy. And I want to shine. But I also want to be transparent and quiet, able to listen and absorb the pain of others, making space for grief and sorrow, for the burdens added to the lives of so many by a difficult childhood or painful marriage or mind-numbing experiences of poverty or chronic illness. Seems like maybe this means making room for ALL of the psalms in our day-to-day journeying. Whether a joyous exclamation of praise and thanksgiving or a sober recounting of lament, all of those words flow from a deep relationship between singer and Song. All of them.
I once used the phrase “Debbi-Downer” in a sermon, much to the congregation’s delight. Now I have another to add “Debbi-Upper” and, perhaps also, “Debbi-in-the-middle-some-days-better-than-others-and-thankful-either-way.” Hiding joy is no more admirable than hiding sorrow and liable to be a quick-route to losing joy. Thanks for sharing, John.
[…] Lucky by John Blase at The Beautiful Due […]
Gosh…so spot on and layered in good stuff. I will read this sage advise multiple times as I do your poetry.
So happy Lucy chose to speak up and you chose to speak into the longing of her heart.
I love this question. I love this response. Thanks to both. ♥
[…] his blog the beautiful due, John Blase wrote this last week on writing in answer to someone’s […]
wow. just wow. I hear the Spirit calling me to “live out loud” …perhaps to blog or to speak or who knows…but I tremble with a sense of vulnerability – not as much for the sharing of deep dark things – but it is even harder to share triumph. I am a cancer survivor…a kind of cancer that few defeat….and I struggle with my “hallelujah” when so many are still in the throws of the battle. But I hear the call to bravery…let my light shine. Such anointed words. Thank you.
[…] Lucky, by John Blasé at The Beautiful Due because, “This dark world needs joy in spades. Don’t ever, ever hide your joy.” ~John (in response to someone asking “How do you receive gifts that are denied to others?“) A much worthy answer for each of us. […]