Alright, Goodnight

Three times yesterday I found tears in my eyes. I don’t follow

the “real men don’t cry” Jesus like some blowhards, so I cried

slightly and wondered aloud Well, okay, now what’s this about?

 

I’m leaving in a few minutes for CrossFit class, working out

with people half my age. Half my age—that makes me double

them. They’ll keep track of their rounds and reps and arrive at

 

a final score, but I don’t keep score anymore. My goal’s to keep

up, but at times I do confess I quietly shift into my secret gear to

let them know I’m still here. Like a little wine, a little hubris works.

 

Mom called last night. She calls one night, I call the next. It’s our

routine now, life-after-Dad. She’d like to visit the cemetery where

we planted Dad but it’s an hour’s drive away along deadly curves.

 

I worry about her. I know the real Jesus said Don’t worry, but I do.

I said I’ll be there in a few weeks. Let’s go then. We’ll stay as long 

as you want, Mom. She said Okay, that’ll work. Alright, goodnight.

 

 

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11 Comments

  1. Kay Hanevik on April 11, 2021 at 8:53 am

    Blessings my friend, filled with peace

  2. Karen Erwin-Brown on April 11, 2021 at 9:17 am

    prayers. My Dad died in January 2002. I don’t remember any colors in spring that year. We did get to see him . He was on a vent. We had to make the decision to remove. All hard. All the family got to stand around his bed and we sang hymns. I’m sorry you didn’t get to say goodbye.

  3. Lynda Smith on April 11, 2021 at 10:43 am

    Tell him I said, ‘hey. I’ll see him someday, but until then, rest in peace’.

  4. Sarah Sansbury on April 11, 2021 at 11:15 am

    This is poignant and beautiful. Thank you so much.

  5. Roslyn on April 11, 2021 at 11:55 am

    Thanks John, for allowing us to be with you on this journey

  6. JUDY BURKE on April 11, 2021 at 12:34 pm

    Feel as Anna does but it was on my way home from work maybe 10 at night that t I felt better after our conversation I am so amazed at the sermons David preached another example Spirit Depression Nov. 2020., in ways that help one. Hope each step gets a little softer, less sharp edge rocks, and the feeling David is telling you it will be alright. Love to all the Blase’s and that Miss Anna is feeling better with her shoulder!

  7. Diana Trautwein on April 11, 2021 at 3:54 pm

    I was shopping at Home Depot, about 2-3 years after my youngest brother died in his sleep after a long, difficult life.. I took care of that baby at age 11 and worried about him for 50 years. At that point, I thought I was done with tears. Then I noticed the guy assisting the checker and he reminded me a little of Ken — an adult, but not quite an adult? And I thought, “Ken could have done this job, he would have been good at it.” Then he turned around and his name badge said, big as life, “KENNETH.” And I completely lost it. I paid my, bill hurried out to my car and waited for the tears to ebb. Took about 15 minutes, as I recall.

    It will sucker punch you for years, John. Sorry. But it’s so true. That’s the price of love.

  8. Marsha Hall on April 12, 2021 at 12:13 am

    My mom died unexpectedly in an assisted living facility. We could not be with her because of Covid. She died alone. So many regrets with that. Everyday I shed tears . Nothing will help all this anger, regrets, missing my mom every moment but the power of God’s presence in my life. I know he’s the only one with the power to help me through my dark days. Every day I pray he will give me the strength and peace I need to help get me through another day. I pray for you John also.

  9. Angela Garrett on April 12, 2021 at 1:35 am

    I’ve realized it’s okay to cry and I’ve had many “conversations” with my Mama since she passed last June. We all grieve in our own ways. I’m glad you and Anna have your routine. Prayers.

  10. Ray Cortez on April 12, 2021 at 5:26 am

    Wow you taken a page exactly out of my life here down to visiting dad’s grave with mom amazing, it’s great to know I’m not alone

  11. Jacky on April 12, 2021 at 9:33 pm

    Your mom is likely close to my age, John. 74. There’s nothing better than a son checking in on his every day. No measure to that kind of love act.

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