Just For Today

I just told her I want to run away—

maybe to Buena Vista (we’ve spent

sweet summers there) or Golden

and sprawl beside Clear Creek to

watch the sun set long and languid,

anywhere really in driving distance

to steal away from thinking about

dying and moving and starting this

life over at 54yrs which I know in

my head holds seeds of new growth

with bright blossoms to follow but

right now in my gut such aspirational

ale sits rancid and makes me ragey.

Right now, I want my old life back—

but its dead and gone, so it feels like

the reckless thing is just to run away,

not for forever, but just for today.

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17 Comments

  1. Lynda Smith on April 30, 2021 at 4:13 pm

    Someday your ‘new life’ will be filled with precious memories. It’ll take a while, but it’ll happen. Still holding your hand.
    Lynda

  2. JUDY BURKE on April 30, 2021 at 4:13 pm

    Just for today one way or another we have all wished for Just for Today- – – at some point in our lives and what meaning those 3 words have such depth. Blessings to all of you as you make this journey – What a Great Book will come out of you on the other side of this journey.

  3. Gretchen on April 30, 2021 at 4:15 pm

    This touches me so. You’ll get there, but just for today it sounds like life sucks, and I’m so sorry for that, John.

  4. Diana Trautwein on April 30, 2021 at 5:10 pm

    Ah. A move on top of a great loss. That is a lot, John. I’d run away, too. AT LEAST for a day.

  5. Annie B on April 30, 2021 at 5:38 pm

    Thinking of you.

  6. Marsha Hall on April 30, 2021 at 6:01 pm

    Thinking of you! It’s ok to feel this way! It’s hard to think any other way. They say time will help. Waiting! Praying for you, your mom, and Shawn. 🙏🏻❤️

  7. Irv on April 30, 2021 at 6:24 pm

    I know the feeling my friend… it still hurts some days, (7 months after our departure and a year after our decision) but the blossoms (literally and figuratively) are busting out all over. He has plans for you which you cannot know—so say your long goodbyes with hope.

  8. Abby on April 30, 2021 at 9:33 pm

    Wow. I have recently had a life-altering before-and-after thing/moment. I admit, gratefully, my parents are still alive and healthy, and so, I recognize it is a different sort of before and after. Life-altering, nonetheless. I cannot understand exactly where you are, but I can and do feel it, Deep calling to Deep. And I am praying for you every single step of the way. Bondye beni ou.

  9. Rebecca on April 30, 2021 at 9:45 pm

    Keep on wiring John. We are listening and know that this too shall pass.

  10. Erin K on May 1, 2021 at 8:24 am

    Why are you making this life change? For your others?
    your writing is moves me

  11. Jacky on May 1, 2021 at 12:01 pm

    Oh yes, the “inbetween”, wheee we get caught and linger, maybe too long, maybe not long enough. I share similar feelings with you, John, even after five years of my old life ending. Perhaps it will always be ending…and I revving to begin but wavering between.

  12. Marcia on May 1, 2021 at 5:51 pm

    Until The Pain Recedes. For YOU. John.

    I read ODB one day.
    The devotional I read touched me deep, and
    I had to find out who this author is
    Who almost made me weep.
    So, I looked up the writer– a guy named John Blase.
    His writing touched my spirit in such a special way,
    That I wanted to read more of his logs, and
    I also subscribed to his blog.
    He shared in his writing that he lost his dad,
    To this cruel and uninvited one.
    Understandably, Dave’s mad.
    It robbed him of the right to say, in person,
    “My dear dad, so long.”
    I agree with you Dave,
    That is an insurmountable wrong!
    His writing tells us the pain is deep,
    And as a reader it’s hard to know what to say.
    What words can quell the agony that comes
    From losing your loved one that way?
    In his effort to cope, he tells her he wants to runaway.
    If that’s what you need John, go ahead, do it today.
    But wherever you go, wherever you lay your head
    You are always with you, wherever you make your bed.
    So do it man: call your mom any time of day,
    or take her to visit dad where he lays.
    Send him a text OR take a drive.
    Take all the steps you must
    To deal with dad now gone.
    And until the flood gates of grief recede,
    Take it moment by moment, do what YOU need,
    Until you can get on the other side
    Of the pain, that stems from your dad’s leave.

    Copyright MPC 05.01.21 @5:37PM

  13. Marcia on May 1, 2021 at 6:04 pm

    Corrected….Use THIS version, please.

    Until The Pain Recedes. For YOU. John.

    I read ODB one day.
    The devotional I read touched me deep, and
    I had to find out who this author is
    Who almost made me weep.
    So, I looked up the writer– a guy named John D. Blase.
    His writing touched my spirit in such a special way,
    That I wanted to read more of his logs, and
    I also subscribed to his blog.
    He shared in his writing that he lost his dad,
    To this cruel and uninvited one.
    Understandably, John’s mad.
    It robbed him of the right to say, in person,
    “My dear dad, so long.”
    I agree with you John,
    That is an insurmountable wrong!
    His writing tells us the pain is deep,
    And as a reader it’s hard to know what to say.
    What words can quell the agony that comes
    From losing your loved one that way?
    In his effort to cope, he tells her he wants to run away.
    If that’s what you need John, go ahead, do it today.
    But wherever you go, wherever you lay your head
    You are always with you, wherever you make your bed.
    So do it man: call your mom any time of day,
    or take her to visit dad where he lays.
    Send him a text OR take a drive.
    Take all the steps you must
    To deal with dad now gone.
    And until the flood gates of grief recede,
    Take it moment by moment, do what YOU need,
    Until you can get on the other side
    Of the pain, that stems from your dad’s leave.

    Copyright MPC 05.01.21 @5:37PM

  14. John Homan on May 3, 2021 at 3:30 am

    Great piece. Really identify.

  15. nancymariedavis on May 3, 2021 at 2:02 pm

    ty for your life expressions

  16. Ann V. on May 4, 2021 at 4:27 am

    Ragey.
    Yes. Yes.
    I’m so sorry, brother, so so very sorry. Staggering through our own grief, I read this with my marrow.
    But maybe longer than just today — I’d take a month or two. To get away, far away, from this stench of death and the thickness of the dark.

  17. Elbe on May 6, 2021 at 8:59 pm

    Learning of some of the ways death and endings has shrouded a season in your life (from the podcast mostly) I was struck dumb for a spell as if the wind of my breath was knocked out of me. Maybe it was because some of the details of your testimony circled too close to home and the distance between me and healing are wider than the Grand Canyon. I dunno. But then after a bit there came just a hint of the fragrance of myrrh from seemingly out of nowhere and then thoughts of resurrection. Maybe some if not more than some of your present journey and mine can’t entertain the good intentions of those who love us madly and want it to be well with our souls before we go where we must and face what we must for however long we must. Brother, I bless you to just be and pray for the steady hand of our Lord to be palpably upon you.

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